I haven’t posted anything on the blog since June 23rd. How crazy is that? July went by in a flash and suddenly it’s already August and my long break will finally end exactly on next Tuesday.
Back then, I wondered how I was going to spend all these four months of doing nothing but the truth is, now I regret some of the things that I hadn’t done during the break. This is the end of everything we’ve known so far. Our last holiday together as we transition into the scary, unknown world called college. Some of my friends who go to private universities have already started their academic term, have already met new friends and people who are going to accompany them for the next 4 years of their life. They talk about intimidating upperclassmen, strict professors and hang out spots around their campus — things that I don’t understand at all. I’ve come to accept the fact that I won’t see them in a daily basis anymore but I’ve just realized just how different our lives will be after this.
I chose to study in public university, a road less traveled by most of my high school friends. Growing up in a private Christian school where almost all of the students are of Chinese descent, it will definitely be a huge change for me. I will be meeting people from all kinds of background. I will also be the minority group, but I see it as an opportunity to evolve myself further, to deepen my understanding toward every social group. Negative thoughts have haunted me for a few times. I had thoughts like, “What if I get bullied because of my ancestry? What if I don’t have any friends?” Those are the fears I’ve felt but never spoken aloud.
I imagine that it must feel good to be able to study in the same place as my friends do, surrounded by familiar faces who have seen me grow up and familiar environment which has shaped me for the past 17 years. But at the same time, I feel proud for having the courage to choose a different path. I have goals, one of which is landing a full scholarship for my master’s degree abroad. I want to be more involved in committees and college activities, get my feet wet with the stuff I avoid in high school. Deep down, I’m just an ambitious girl who is never satisfied with the status quo and the labels every one put on me at school are the ones confining and preventing me from developing even further. I know that I can be more than the typical passive yet smart girl people claim me to be. I know for a fact that I can be more than the crippling self-doubt sometimes I let myself believe. I’ve secretly been longing for a fresh new start to express all these desires.
They say life begins at the end of your comfort zones. So here I am, heading toward uncharted territory with optimism — that I can adapt to the new environment and rise to the challenge. Hoping that even after all the time we spent apart, the bonds I have with my friends will stay connected and one day, we will be sitting together again, laughing at our inside jokes just like good ol’ times 🙂
P.S.: I’m not moving out of town but re-reading this post, it sounds as if I’m going somewhere far away >.< Don’t mind my melancholic self!