A nerve-wracking yet exciting fresh start

I haven’t posted anything on the blog since June 23rd. How crazy is that? July went by in a flash and suddenly it’s already August and my long break will finally end exactly on next Tuesday.

Back then, I wondered how I was going to spend all these four months of doing nothing but the truth is, now I regret some of the things that I hadn’t done during the break. This is the end of everything we’ve known so far. Our last holiday together as we transition into the scary, unknown world called college. Some of my friends who go to private universities have already started their academic term, have already met new friends and people who are going to accompany them for the next 4 years of their life. They talk about intimidating upperclassmen, strict professors and hang out spots around their campus — things that I don’t understand at all. I’ve come to accept the fact that I won’t see them in a daily basis anymore but I’ve just realized just how different our lives will be after this.

I chose to study in public university, a road less traveled by most of my high school friends. Growing up in a private Christian school where almost all of the students are of Chinese descent, it will definitely be a huge change for me. I will be meeting people from all kinds of background. I will also be the minority group, but I see it as an opportunity to evolve myself further, to deepen my understanding toward every social group. Negative thoughts have haunted me for a few times. I had thoughts like, “What if I get bullied because of my ancestry? What if I don’t have any friends?” Those are the fears I’ve felt but never spoken aloud.

I imagine that it must feel good to be able to study in the same place as my friends do, surrounded by familiar faces who have seen me grow up and familiar environment which has shaped me for the past 17 years. But at the same time, I feel proud for having the courage to choose a different path. I have goals, one of which is landing a full scholarship for my master’s degree abroad. I want to be more involved in committees and college activities, get my feet wet with the stuff I avoid in high school.  Deep down, I’m just an ambitious girl who is never satisfied with the status quo and the labels every one put on me at school are the ones confining and preventing me from developing even further. I know that I can be more than the typical passive yet smart girl people claim me to be. I know for a fact that I can be more than the crippling self-doubt sometimes I let myself believe. I’ve secretly been longing for a fresh new start to express all these desires.

They say life begins at the end of your comfort zones. So here I am, heading toward uncharted territory with optimism — that I can adapt to the new environment and rise to the challenge. Hoping that even after all the time we spent apart, the bonds I have with my friends will stay connected and one day, we will be sitting together again, laughing at our inside jokes just like good ol’ times 🙂

P.S.: I’m not moving out of town but re-reading this post, it sounds as if I’m going somewhere far away >.< Don’t mind my melancholic self!

 

10 comments

  1. College was the best academic phase for me. I loved the liberty I had and there were tons of things I did for the first time. My schedule was super flexible that I got to try enjoyable things (like part time jobs!). And of course, I loved the friends I met during my time in university. Not sure how it works there but students of different nationalities (as in foreign students) isn’t a rare sight here. So don’t worry if you wouldn’t fit in! I know you will for sure! 😀 Good luck and hope your college years will be a blast! <3

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    1. Thanks for sharing your story! ^^ Oh, I’m surprised that there are many foreign students in PH. That’s so cool!! Cause there are barely any here and they usually only stay for a short period of time as exchange students. But I’m sure there are students from all over Indonesia so I will be meeting people from other regions.

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  2. I bet every Indonesian in our year feel the same way! xD Which public university are you going to attend? I was scared at the beginning to go to public, because I’m also chinese, but I decided to at least try because they’re cheaper than private uni… I tried both sbm and snm and failed in the end xD I’m bummed at the beginning, but yeah, now I’m going to a private uni. My orientation would start next week, when yours will start? Best of luck with uni! 🙂
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    1. Thanks Tasya!! I was accepted to ITS in Surabaya, my hometown haha. Which private uni are you enrolled in? I have some friends in Jakarta so maybe they also go to the same uni as you :3 My orientation starts next week as well but some activities will start tomorrow. Good luck to you too! <33

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      1. Gilss ITS👏👏👏 One of my friend also got accepted there but I can’t remember what her major is. I’m going to i3L, it’s a relatively new university in Pulomas, so most people never heard about it. Are you commuting or moving out of your house?
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  3. Ahhh I wish you the best of luck Kezia! I think the only advice I can really give you is just find the things that make you happy. If you get a great group of friends along the way, then that’s awesome. But don’t force it (that was my mistake haha), it’ll just happen before you know it.

    College seems pretty scary, but after a couple of months (maybe even weeks), you’ll come to love it 🙂

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  4. Aah, I too will be starting college soon; and just like you, I attended a private religious school but am now venturing to a public college. I’m pretty scared, and don’t know if I’ll be able to make friends/find my place in school. It’s a fresh start, which is exciting, and I’ll finally be able to focus on stuff that I like. Here’s to hoping we both have great experiences in college, and I wish you the best of luck. <3

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