the lack of “me” time: a confession

For nearly my whole life, I had always thought that I was a hardcore introvert. I mean, I thought I was quiet and shy. I thought I would always prefer solitary activities (such as reading). I thought I hated spending time outside my house. Those labels I put on myself led me to believe that I would stay that way until the rest of my life.

I have changed a lot though — shockingly. I’m more outgoing and talkative that I find it difficult to be alone at school. I feel like I just HAVE to socialize with my friends during break times, which I used to spend reading books alone in my corner. If I’m free at weekends, I will go to the mall with my friends and watch movies or basically just hang out at the food court. Some nights, we go to birthday parties or dinners (which are a huge thing especially in 11th and 12th grade — you know, sweet seventeen and all). Hence, my lack of reading time.

As my social life becomes more active, I realize that I haven’t had a “me” time for a long time. When was the last time I finished a book in one sitting? More than a month ago. When was the last time I read my favorite manga series? A few days ago, but before that, I hadn’t been really updated with Haikyuu!!,  Tokyo Ghoul:re and a bunch of other series. Which was why I dedicated that specific day to catch up with Haikyuu!!. But even after that, I could only manage to read a few chapters before I ended up doing other things…

Those are the solitary activities I usually find happiness in doing but what happen? Am I happy now? YES. Do I miss my “me” time though? YES. I’m always striking for balance, but most of the time, I fail terribly and neglect one of them.

This is what’s going on in my life right now. But in the end, sacrifices have to be made. I enjoy interacting with other people and I think for now, it’s the thing that gives me the most happiness. Why is that? Soon, I and my friends will walk different paths and more likely, we won’t be able to be as close as we are now. It’s my final year and I have mentioned multiple times here that I want to make the best of it. I can read my books sometime in the future. I can still watch my anime or read my manga later. But senior year isn’t going to repeat itself.

That doesn’t mean I’m leaving the blogosphere. I can never throw this blog away. In a way, it’s like my “baby”. I started it from zero and have raised it until the way it is now. But do expect more non-bookish posts from now on. I’m still resolved to finish my TBR pile at home though so it’s not like there won’t be reviews anymore 😀

*forever drowning in my TBR pile and anime list* I mean, hot damn, have you seen fall anime titles? HAIKYUU!! S2. NORAGAMI S2. OWARI NO SERAPH S2. ONE PUNCH MAN. SUBETE GA F NI NARU.


Why I tend to keep my blogging and real life separate

Earlier this year, I have tried to post more personal stuff — to incorporate the “me” element to this blog. Yet there has been times when my want to share the events and fun things happening is shattered by my fear of being discovered.

Being discovered by whom?

I think my blog is my personal space — a place where I can talk about anything I want. I should be free to post about anything I want but ironically, the very reason restricting me from posting personal stuff is my own paranoia of my friends accidentally stumbling upon my blog and recognizing that it’s mine through the photos.

Why is this such a big deal for me though? The truth is, I don’t feel comfortable sharing that I have a blog to my real life friends. I have a group of friends I really like hanging out with but I don’t think I’m ready to expose some of the things I don’t show at school. Yes, there are people who know about this blog, but it can only be counted with one hand. And the more a secret is kept, the deeper it gets buried. To this date, only one of my friends have visited this blog and left a comment. ONE.

I wonder why I keep this blog a secret from my friends. It’s not like I’m embarrassed that I love reading — it’s pretty much a common knowledge to those who know me. But I feel like if I let my friends know about it, I would lose the freedom of speech I have over this blog. Sometimes I’d like to rant or post my inner dilemma here. Sometimes I’d tell about how awesome my friends are. So I guess that’s part of the problem. I’m not the type of person who likes to “publicly” display affection. Bleh, so then what’s the point of telling how much you love someone if the said person doesn’t know about it at all? I disagree with this statement, as I know that my friends care about me and they know damn well how much I care about them. But I’m just too embarrassed to admit it. Screw me. Okay, I think I have strayed from the topic haha.

The chance of someone I know from school stumbling upon this site is incredibly small so why do I need to worry? Maybe I should learn to be more open. But so far, this is the decision I’ve taken and I’m not sure when it will change. I would love to post our pictures during hangouts here and share our stories but I don’t know when I will be able to do that.

How about you? Do you also keep your blog(s) a secret or do you tell people you know in real life about it?

When I’m being indecisive and it’s okay

Hello guys! Two weeks into senior year and I’m doing fine. The assignments and tests are starting to pile in, but fortunately, I can still relax on the weekends since it’s only the beginning of the semester.

What happened today?

This Saturday is nothing ordinary for us because one of the top private universities in Surabaya held an education fair at my school. There is quite a lot of majors and study programs offered, but none interested me at first so I only accompanied my friends who wanted to ask questions at the booths. I had already considered taking chemical engineering after all and that program is unavailable at that university.

Out of many science subjects, I had the biggest interest in chemistry and that’s mostly because I especially love it when we were discussing about chemical bond and solutions. However, I’ve heard that you still need to be good at physics to take chemical engineering, which is basically what has been bugging my mind ever since I’m considering jumping into this field. I have supportive friends, but there are also people who doubt my decision. “Are you sure? Don’t take chemical engineering if you’re looking for chemistry. It’s actually physics in disguise.” “Chemical engineering graduates are factory workers who are able to explain chemical reactions.” Suddenly, chemical engineering scared the shit out of me. What if I’m not suited to do this?  Why doesn’t it sound as appealing as when I first discussed it with my family? 

Continue reading When I’m being indecisive and it’s okay

What it means to be a senior

I can’t believe that my 1.5 months holiday will really end tomorrow. I can’t even believe that my sophomore year of high school passed like a blink of an eye. Time does fly so fast when you’re having a good time. No matter how many assignments we got, no matter how many exams we had to study for, there’s always a reason to laugh and enjoy class. I’m extremely grateful for every second with my former classmates, for every friendship we forged. And though I’m going to miss my old classmates very much, I’m ready for senior year, including the new classmates and challenges.

Without a doubt, senior year will be a much busier time — and the hardest as well. We have national exams to prepare for while having to finish the whole curriculum in less than the school year. Extra curricular activity is a requirement for graduation. One hour long extra lessons every day starting September to catch up and familiarize us with the topics which will appear on national exams. This is very similar to what I had to go through as a senior in elementary and middle school, though most definitely it will be harder this time. I take my study seriously, hence school will always be my first priority.

At the same time, I’m dreading senior year because it will be my last year as a high schooler. They say high school is the best time of our lives and I couldn’t agree more to this statement. I won’t occupy myself with counting down the moments, but I will make every moment counts because that’s the most important thing, right? I’m gonna enjoy my time as a high schooler while I still can!  After graduating high school, I and my friends will walk different paths and start our own journeys. I want this moment to be truly ours to remember and feel nostalgic about when we’re older.

To be honest, I suck pretty bad at trying to balance blogging and real life but that doesn’t mean that I will completely neglect this blog. I will spare some time to do what I enjoy on the weekends so I won’t get overwhelmed with my school work. After all, we all need to give ourselves some love 🙂

Anyway, school lessons start in two days and usually not a lot happen in the first week so I will still be around 😀 And regarding the direction of this blog, I might post real life stuff once in a while. I’ve wanted to do more personal posts since I moved to self-hosted but I haven’t been able to implement that change much haha ^^;

So I was on holiday (+ pictures)

Hey! You might have noticed that I have been missing for the past week. I didn’t tweet much and I didn’t have any time to read. Why is that? The answer is pretty much explained in the post title: I went on a holiday. It was a road trip kind of holiday, complete with the notoriously heavy traffic caused by Idul Fitri / Eid Mubarak and much-anticipated pee breaks here and there.


Our route was Surabaya-Yogyakarta-Bandung-Semarang-Surabaya. We spent almost an entire day on the road on the first day. It usually only took eight hours to get to Yogyakarta but we did stop for a while in some small towns to take a break and eat. By the time we reached our destination, it was night time already so we hurried to rest and prepare for the next day.

We were in Yogyakarta for three days and visited some places. I wasn’t too enthusiastic though because I’ve been there three times before and I think I have already visited most of the tourism objects there. Plus, I hate gudeg, the famous traditional food of Yogyakarta so no wonder I was anxious to go to Bandung already.


Borobudur was as crowded as usual. When we were climbing the stairs to the top level, someone passed out so he had to be carried on a stretcher all the way down there. The super steep stairs were not helping either. And it took AGES to get to the parking lot because we were following the exit and as soon as we left a market, we saw ANOTHER market. They need to make a shortcut because I couldn’t be bothered to walk through endless market anymore!

Continue reading So I was on holiday (+ pictures)