Maybe it’s time for miracles

oceanOctober starts to run out of days and so is the year 2015. Only two full months are left, but with the end of the year comes one of the most dreaded things for students: final exams.

I have done nothing but studying for the past few weeks, made a lot of sacrifices in order to prepare for my current exams, tried to get more sleep for a maximum result but did I get what I was working for? I don’t know, I just took the test today, and somehow my confidence is sinking each second. People say you will be happier once you stop caring but it’s a whole different story for me, who has always cared too much.

Things are harder at school this term. I never really needed to make all these sacrifices before. If I had a science test on Monday, I would spend the Saturday relaxing and do what I like instead of revising for my next exam like what I have been doing this term. (Ironically, I used to get much better marks compared to my physics and math midterm last month.)

Sometimes I wonder when I will stop fearing. I wonder when I will be able to write my answers in full confidence like I used to. It’s hard being in the spotlight, especially when you have to live up to people’s expectation and meet the standards you give for yourself.

I hope next time will be better. (Though I could use some miracles right now.)

 

 

 

7 comments

  1. Aw~ Kezia don’t too hard on yourself. But I do understand your situation; it’s part of life. I think (and this is coming from person who is always worried about almost everything), second guessing yourself happens. It’s fine to prioritize your studies but you need to relax every now & then. Give yourself some time to breathe. <3
    Mitchii G. recently posted… First Impression: Autumn Anime 2015~!!My Profile

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    1. I know 🙁 I shouldn’t be so hard on myself but I just can’t help it. It’s just a subconscious thing and I was going through a pretty rough patch when I wrote this post. Thank you for your support, Mitchii <33 I'm so glad I get to know you ^^

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  2. I totally get where you’re coming from. I’m like that too, and have stressed over things to the point where my hair’s actually falling out and I suddenly break into really bad allergies T_T Don’t be like me. But I digress; I think it’s fine to second-guess yourself, and it’s fine to be a little afraid. That’s just showing that you’re trying your best, right? And you’ve tried so, so hard. You’ve done what you can. You’ll be okay. You can do this!  (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧
    Chri recently posted… Hey There, NovemberMy Profile

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    1. Oh no, that’s terrible! I hope you’re okay now. I have been feeling better recently. Thank you so much for your support, Chri <33 I'm pretty sure you're strong enough to get through your own difficult times ^^

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  3. I feel you Kezia! The national exam for 12th grade is held at February, much more sooner than last year which is at April. And because of that my school has been pushing us really hard. We go to scholl from 6.30-16.30, and we still have to come for school at Saturdays (usually it was a holiday) Everyday we had exams because the teachers are trying to finish all the materials needed for national exam.

    It gets tiring of course. I also have been doing nothing but studying this school year. But you have to remember to let yourself relax for a bit and don’t be stressed! Just do your best and believe that you can do it! Sometimes I let myself not studying if I’m just too tired. I’ll get bad grades, yes, but it’s better than stressing myself about it. Goodluck with your tests, you can do this!
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    1. Ughh, I hate those extra lessons. I don’t think they’re that effective because most of the time I was too tired to comprehend the lesson -_- Ahaha but I can’t be that YOLO because it’s somehow part of my own subconsciousness? I cannot go through a test without studying at all, unless it’s Indonesian or English xD

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  4. JUST. BREATHE. I know how you feel, okay? I was so stressed about my grade last week before the Math quiz, and I was so flustered that I really messed up. And that led me to a breakdown, and now, I just got out of another quiz that I’m pretty sure I did badly on, but it’s okay. Because one little grade is not going to be the end of the world, and my life will find ways to be awesome, even if I don’t.

    I know that sounds crazy, but trust me, just have some faith that your life will be great.
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