I have done nothing but studying for the past few weeks, made a lot of sacrifices in order to prepare for my current exams, tried to get more sleep for a maximum result but did I get what I was working for? I don’t know, I just took the test today, and somehow my confidence is sinking each second. People say you will be happier once you stop caring but it’s a whole different story for me, who has always cared too much.
Things are harder at school this term. I never really needed to make all these sacrifices before. If I had a science test on Monday, I would spend the Saturday relaxing and do what I like instead of revising for my next exam like what I have been doing this term. (Ironically, I used to get much better marks compared to my physics and math midterm last month.)
Sometimes I wonder when I will stop fearing. I wonder when I will be able to write my answers in full confidence like I used to. It’s hard being in the spotlight, especially when you have to live up to people’s expectation and meet the standards you give for yourself.
I hope next time will be better. (Though I could use some miracles right now.)