When I’m being indecisive and it’s okay

Hello guys! Two weeks into senior year and I’m doing fine. The assignments and tests are starting to pile in, but fortunately, I can still relax on the weekends since it’s only the beginning of the semester.

What happened today?

This Saturday is nothing ordinary for us because one of the top private universities in Surabaya held an education fair at my school. There is quite a lot of majors and study programs offered, but none interested me at first so I only accompanied my friends who wanted to ask questions at the booths. I had already considered taking chemical engineering after all and that program is unavailable at that university.

Out of many science subjects, I had the biggest interest in chemistry and that’s mostly because I especially love it when we were discussing about chemical bond and solutions. However, I’ve heard that you still need to be good at physics to take chemical engineering, which is basically what has been bugging my mind ever since I’m considering jumping into this field. I have supportive friends, but there are also people who doubt my decision. “Are you sure? Don’t take chemical engineering if you’re looking for chemistry. It’s actually physics in disguise.” “Chemical engineering graduates are factory workers who are able to explain chemical reactions.” Suddenly, chemical engineering scared the shit out of me. What if I’m not suited to do this?  Why doesn’t it sound as appealing as when I first discussed it with my family? 

But then we got to industrial engineering and the woman in charge of the booth was incredibly persuasive and convincing that I almost wanted to change my mind. It’s like, yes there are physics and calculus but only for a few semesters. And to add the bonus, we will also be learning economy business in the sixth semester. Industrial engineering focuses more on balancing logistics and optimizing materials and human resources and to be honest I like the sound of it. Or, at least I liked the sound of the program when the woman explained it to me. I don’t like being restricted with my study and career options and there will be a wide range of job opportunities for me to pick when I graduate.

Some of my friends agreed on the teacher’s persuasive skills (the fact that she’s in charge must be for a reason, right?) while some questioned my sanity because how the heck a field like industrial engineering piqued my interest? Even I am confused at myself because I would have never given it a chance before. My mom is part of the latter group. She bluntly stated her disagreement and said that I could have better chances taking chemical engineering. She wholeheartedly believes I can do better.

Now this is the part which gave me headache. I thought that I was already certain with my choice — chemical engineering — but here I found myself again swayed by another option. I haven’t closed on any possibilities. But with university application opening soon, the pressure is on and I’m afraid of choosing to study something that I might regret later on. I’m not gonna waste time by taking a gap year but what if I change my mind next year? What if I have a change of heart after being in uni for a couple of years? So I’m taking a huge risk itself by choosing to enroll in uni right after high school considering my current dilemma.

And then it hit me. The reason why industrial engineering suddenly sounded so appealing was because it seemed relatively easier than chemical engineering. I was too afraid of physics being difficult that I was ready to figure out a new plan, while in reality, I have managed to solve tons of physics problems throughout my school years and I had forgotten about that fact for a moment. Sure, physics isn’t my best subject but things which come across as difficult for the first time gradually become easier as you learn more about them and that’s what I’ve been doing all these years.

I’m the type of person who wouldn’t jump into a pool if I didn’t know how deep it was, the type of person who would rather load my ammunition full and survey the enemy before going into a battlefield, the type of person who weighs down every option before making a decision. I might seem indecisive but it’s my own way of getting there.

Maybe I care too much about what people say. But the truth is, they will ALWAYS have something to say, both good and bad. There will always be people who doubt you but the only thing you can do is give your all and prove them wrong. And even when you trip and fall, pick yourself up together again, move forward and show them what you’re made of.

But let’s not forget that there are also people who believe in you and I’m extremely grateful for them — my “cheerleaders” <333

“Ngambil apa, Kez?” What are you gonna take?

“Teknik kimia tapi gatau sekarang galau maneh gara-gara wedi fisika. Kamu?” Chemical engineering but now I’m not sure because of physics. You?

“Biotek. Lah lek pengen e teknik kimia lapo wedi, yo masuk ae to.” Biotechnology. If chemical engineering is what you want then why should you be afraid? Just go for it.

Will I take chemical engineering? Most likely. Will I consider any other options? Probably. It’s never wrong to be prepared and it’s alright when your choice frightens you. They say if you’re not scared, you’re doing it wrong. Why settle for less when you can have more?


9 thoughts on “When I’m being indecisive and it’s okay”

  1. Oh, you should really think about what you want. But girl, you’re so tough! Engineering courses are like Math centric and just the sounds of that brings shivers to my spine (I hate Math). And it’s Chemical Engineering to boot?! I’m not good at chemistry (I’m more of a Physics kinda of girl; the only Math/Science I’m quite good at). But I hope you’ll able to decide on what you wanted to do. Don’t succumb to pressure; take a course you’ll enjoy learning & to which can lead you to a job you will want to do.

    1. Thank you for the support, Mitchii! ^^ I’m not really sure what I will do with a degree in chemical engineering but I heard I can work in food factories and stuff like that. My friend’s dad majored in this field and now he works in an oil company haha.

  2. Great post, Kezia. Like you said, people will always have something to say and give you their opinion but I truly believe sometimes only YOU know the best path for yourself and you should do what you feel comfortable with and what you will be happy with. I changed my major a year into college and everything worked out, I have no doubt it will for you, too! 🙂
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    1. Thanks so much, Alise! Sometimes, it’s the opposite though. I’m the one who lacks confidence while my friends are the one who have faith in me — probably have TOO much faith in me. But yeah, this is probably the right time to man up and make up my mind. I hope I’m making the right decision ^^

  3. Aw great post Kezia! To be honest, I was very interested in this post because I’m *sort of* facing the same dilemma as you are! I’m currently in the 10th grade, which is my last year of junior high here. For senior high, I’m required to undergo pre-college stuff (AKA real college stuff brought down to high school), and ack, it’s scary and confusing because I’m not quite sure which course I’d want to pick. Haha ^_^”

    Chemical engineering and industrial engineering both sound very interesting! If you’re comfortable with doing chemistry, go for it! I know there’s a bit of physics into it, which is pretty tough, but do what you think is right for you! And I think you’ll be able to overcome the physics part 🙂 Don’t worry too much about it! Perhaps it may sound complicated, but who knows — what if it becomes something you might eventually enjoy in the end? 🙂
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    1. Ah, I hope things work out for both of us! This is definitely a difficult stage of our life, and I guess it sorta determines our future as well.

      Thank you, Jillian! <333 Sometimes I'm amazed at how much people believe in me and really, I totally appreciate it 🙂

    1. Thank you, Shannelle! ^^ Engineering scares me a little, especially since I have to be accurate with my counting and I’m so careless sometimes >< But let's hope everything works out in the end -- for both of us 🙂

  4. This is all so interesting, Kezia! Chemical engineering is physics in disguise, wow who could have guessed?? 0_0 I’ll have you know that I had horrible grades in my highschool physics (so bad I can’t even speak them aloud) but in college physics, the professor was so amazing I got an A. Maybe college physics will be easier than your highschool physics too?

    But I have to admit industrial engineering does sound like it has more career opportunities. I doubt it’s rid of physics though, I have a feeling it’ll have physics in the first year at least :/ (my older brother’s in civil engineering and all engineers took first year physics in his uni *sigh*).

    Cheesy as it is, follow your heart here because either way there will be physics ;___;
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