Hello guys! Two weeks into senior year and I’m doing fine. The assignments and tests are starting to pile in, but fortunately, I can still relax on the weekends since it’s only the beginning of the semester.
What happened today?
This Saturday is nothing ordinary for us because one of the top private universities in Surabaya held an education fair at my school. There is quite a lot of majors and study programs offered, but none interested me at first so I only accompanied my friends who wanted to ask questions at the booths. I had already considered taking chemical engineering after all and that program is unavailable at that university.
Out of many science subjects, I had the biggest interest in chemistry and that’s mostly because I especially love it when we were discussing about chemical bond and solutions. However, I’ve heard that you still need to be good at physics to take chemical engineering, which is basically what has been bugging my mind ever since I’m considering jumping into this field. I have supportive friends, but there are also people who doubt my decision. “Are you sure? Don’t take chemical engineering if you’re looking for chemistry. It’s actually physics in disguise.” “Chemical engineering graduates are factory workers who are able to explain chemical reactions.” Suddenly, chemical engineering scared the shit out of me. What if I’m not suited to do this? Why doesn’t it sound as appealing as when I first discussed it with my family?
But then we got to industrial engineering and the woman in charge of the booth was incredibly persuasive and convincing that I almost wanted to change my mind. It’s like, yes there are physics and calculus but only for a few semesters. And to add the bonus, we will also be learning economy business in the sixth semester. Industrial engineering focuses more on balancing logistics and optimizing materials and human resources and to be honest I like the sound of it. Or, at least I liked the sound of the program when the woman explained it to me. I don’t like being restricted with my study and career options and there will be a wide range of job opportunities for me to pick when I graduate.
Some of my friends agreed on the teacher’s persuasive skills (the fact that she’s in charge must be for a reason, right?) while some questioned my sanity because how the heck a field like industrial engineering piqued my interest? Even I am confused at myself because I would have never given it a chance before. My mom is part of the latter group. She bluntly stated her disagreement and said that I could have better chances taking chemical engineering. She wholeheartedly believes I can do better.
Now this is the part which gave me headache. I thought that I was already certain with my choice — chemical engineering — but here I found myself again swayed by another option. I haven’t closed on any possibilities. But with university application opening soon, the pressure is on and I’m afraid of choosing to study something that I might regret later on. I’m not gonna waste time by taking a gap year but what if I change my mind next year? What if I have a change of heart after being in uni for a couple of years? So I’m taking a huge risk itself by choosing to enroll in uni right after high school considering my current dilemma.
And then it hit me. The reason why industrial engineering suddenly sounded so appealing was because it seemed relatively easier than chemical engineering. I was too afraid of physics being difficult that I was ready to figure out a new plan, while in reality, I have managed to solve tons of physics problems throughout my school years and I had forgotten about that fact for a moment. Sure, physics isn’t my best subject but things which come across as difficult for the first time gradually become easier as you learn more about them and that’s what I’ve been doing all these years.
I’m the type of person who wouldn’t jump into a pool if I didn’t know how deep it was, the type of person who would rather load my ammunition full and survey the enemy before going into a battlefield, the type of person who weighs down every option before making a decision. I might seem indecisive but it’s my own way of getting there.
Maybe I care too much about what people say. But the truth is, they will ALWAYS have something to say, both good and bad. There will always be people who doubt you but the only thing you can do is give your all and prove them wrong. And even when you trip and fall, pick yourself up together again, move forward and show them what you’re made of.
But let’s not forget that there are also people who believe in you and I’m extremely grateful for them — my “cheerleaders” <333
“Ngambil apa, Kez?” What are you gonna take?
“Teknik kimia tapi gatau sekarang galau maneh gara-gara wedi fisika. Kamu?” Chemical engineering but now I’m not sure because of physics. You?
“Biotek. Lah lek pengen e teknik kimia lapo wedi, yo masuk ae to.” Biotechnology. If chemical engineering is what you want then why should you be afraid? Just go for it.
Will I take chemical engineering? Most likely. Will I consider any other options? Probably. It’s never wrong to be prepared and it’s alright when your choice frightens you. They say if you’re not scared, you’re doing it wrong. Why settle for less when you can have more?