Earlier this year, I have tried to post more personal stuff — to incorporate the “me” element to this blog. Yet there has been times when my want to share the events and fun things happening is shattered by my fear of being discovered.
Being discovered by whom?
I think my blog is my personal space — a place where I can talk about anything I want. I should be free to post about anything I want but ironically, the very reason restricting me from posting personal stuff is my own paranoia of my friends accidentally stumbling upon my blog and recognizing that it’s mine through the photos.
Why is this such a big deal for me though? The truth is, I don’t feel comfortable sharing that I have a blog to my real life friends. I have a group of friends I really like hanging out with but I don’t think I’m ready to expose some of the things I don’t show at school. Yes, there are people who know about this blog, but it can only be counted with one hand. And the more a secret is kept, the deeper it gets buried. To this date, only one of my friends have visited this blog and left a comment. ONE.
I wonder why I keep this blog a secret from my friends. It’s not like I’m embarrassed that I love reading — it’s pretty much a common knowledge to those who know me. But I feel like if I let my friends know about it, I would lose the freedom of speech I have over this blog. Sometimes I’d like to rant or post my inner dilemma here. Sometimes I’d tell about how awesome my friends are. So I guess that’s part of the problem. I’m not the type of person who likes to “publicly” display affection. Bleh, so then what’s the point of telling how much you love someone if the said person doesn’t know about it at all? I disagree with this statement, as I know that my friends care about me and they know damn well how much I care about them. But I’m just too embarrassed to admit it.
Screw me. Okay, I think I have strayed from the topic haha.
The chance of someone I know from school stumbling upon this site is incredibly small so why do I need to worry? Maybe I should learn to be more open. But so far, this is the decision I’ve taken and I’m not sure when it will change. I would love to post our pictures during hangouts here and share our stories but I don’t know when I will be able to do that.